I love you. I really do. I want to spend time with you. I want to hear all about what you are up to and how life is treating you. I miss our talks. Please know that although I only communicate with you occasionally, those occasional moments mean I really care. Those occasional moments are all I have.
I know it takes me 48 hours to respond to a text or longer. I know emails sometimes go unanswered. I realize I send thank you notes late and that I never call you back within a reasonable time frame. I know that every time you ask me to go somewhere or do something I have what sounds like a million excuses and what probably feels like I am avoiding you. I promise it is not. The babies really do nap from 12:30-3:30 most weekend days. How inconvenient is that! Plus, (shhh don’t tell) I usually nap with them. That is if I am not desperately trying to catch up on laundry so we all have clean clothes to wear or clean the floors because the dogs made them all messy or bathe the dogs, because frankly the poor dogs get so much less attention than they used to.
At this time in my life, everything is flying by so fast that I can’t catch my breath. I work 8-10 hour days and when I get home there is always a sweet little child that has a biological need or an emotional need.
Since I am not there to fulfill those needs every minute of every day, I want to make sure I am there to fulfill them most of their other seconds. However, this means I am really tired! I rarely have a moment to just be still and listen to my own mind, let alone return a text message or take a phone call. Do you know I don’t really get to talk to my husband anymore and we live in the same house!?!?
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. I love watching them grow. My heart aches because I know that these moments are fleeting, they are the best and I will never get them back. So l leave my phone on mute, I have it near me just to take pictures and I try to emblaze this crazy, awesome time into my brain.
Sometimes when I am rocking the baby to sleep, I see you call. My heart wants to answer. I think, “Maybe I could whisper,” but alas I know that if I pick up it will mean another thirty minutes of rocking and I really need to go to bed sometime before tomorrow. Therefore, it is another call sent to voicemail. I don’t mean it to be that way.
I guess what I am trying to say is thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be occasional right now. Thank you for not punishing me for being a “bad friend.” Thank you for understanding. When my children are bigger and want less and less to do with me, I will have more time for long talks and fun times. I know that some of you know what I am talking about, but especially for the ones who don’t; thank you.
Peace, Love & Friendship,
Image credit: Yalenews.com